An optimist becomes a realist: How the Chargers made me grow up

I'm a natural optimist. When you grow up in San Diego, it really can't be helped. Everything is sunny, life is a beach, and carne asada fries can be found anywhere. As one grows older and moves away from Sun Diego, reality does settle in. Of course, the Chargers have had a huge hand in ushering along my maturing.

The Chargers history is painful. It is even more painful if you are a Chargers fan. So I don't need to re-hash it since I already lived through it. I remember everything. During the Tomlinson years, it was easy to be an optimist about the Chargers. Also when you are in your 20s, everything and anything is possible. The Chargers/Jets playoff game in 2005 was really just the worst. You can read the recap here. I threw a playoff party for that game and proceeded to become to worst playoff party hostess ever. I ignored my guests, screamed at the tv, and when Kaeding missed  the overtime field goal...I never got up after crumbling to the floor. People left my apt, I didn't move. People called/texted me, I didn't respond. When one of my oldest friends (also a big Chargers fan) called me, I finally peeled myself off the floor and moved to my bed. We rehashed the entire game and proceeded not to console each other. Finally, I called my parents (it was a Sunday and I usually called them on Sunday). My mom answered, heard my sadness, and immediately gave the phone to my dad. The first thing he said, "Pobresita, are you okay?" I replied, "No!!!" Keep in mind, this was about 4 hours after the game ended.

That game was 9 years ago, yet I think about it often. Probably more than is healthy. Mostly because it protects me from ever becoming that type of fan again. Sports fandom can unite the most disparate of people, but it can seriously suck the life out of you.

I've been cautious about these last Chargers playoff games. Too realistic. I haven't let myself enjoy them. In ~48 hours, the Chargers/Broncos game will start and I will be glad because everything will be settled in 3.5 hours. Until then, I will try to just bask in the Chargers playoff hopes and dreams. Because if I can't, then what is the point of being a sports fan? I should just live in the unrealistic hopes and dreams of Chargers playoff football. Yeah, it is a good thing I have 48 hours to work on that.